I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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