apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
