I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
