Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
