Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
