the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
