now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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