yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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