This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
