onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
