I think i peed on brittanys purse
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
