I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
