I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I wish there were birth control emojis
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize