Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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