All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
