Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
