I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
