I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So vagazzling was a success
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize