Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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