my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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