My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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