Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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