No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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