dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
