Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
