I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
