i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize