like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
