Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
