If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize