i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize