I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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