I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
