You just made me feel so damn special
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
love makes seman taste better
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
