And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I understand Curling. That high.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
