Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize