There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
