I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
