I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
