Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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