what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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