dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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