Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
