So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
