After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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