grandma shit on top of the toilet
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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