the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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