he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
