some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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