why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
