and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
