I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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