the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
