When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
