i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
