In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
last night I used snow as a chaser
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
