We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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