just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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