I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
