i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
