Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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