Who wears a wallet chain?!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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