not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
