They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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