i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize