omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
