1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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