Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
