its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
