I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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