You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
