I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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