Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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