I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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